In the summer of 2021 I stepped out of an old story that was no longer working for me.
The prevailing theme of that narrative was: “Happiness is for others, not for me.” Or at the least, “I can keep waiting for happiness.”
That theme took different forms like “Suffering is a virtue.” “Love is sacrifice of self.” “My needs are secondary to others.” “My aspirations are unrealistic or unachievable.” “Love will be withheld from me.”
You see, the human mind creates meaning and story. This is part of its function. Unfortunately, it is a dysfunctional mind.
Things happen. We experience pain and trauma. But it is the mind’s maladjusted attachment to our interpretation of and applied meaning to those experiences that create our story. One that plays over and over in our mind. This is a disorder of the human mind described by sages throughout the centuries. It is often referred to as the “conditioned mind.”
Our story then is not just what we experienced, but how we perceive ourselves and the world around us because of those experiences.
Eventually, it’s as if your story becomes you and you become your story. To be free and therefore at peace and happy, you must understand your story is not you.
Our story clings easily to “programs for happiness” that don’t deliver, like power and control, affection and esteem, security and survival. Neuroscience suggests it is also more likely to affix to the events we perceive as negative or harmful or hurtful. Our story forms around trauma and subsequent messaging we’ve created around our fear, shame, or anger. Therefore, our stories can keep us trapped in unhealthy patterns, unhappy relationships, and defeating circumstances. When we are trapped, we’re blocked from life force and unable to live into our true nature: to be at one with all that is and live in harmony with life itself.
When we are locked in the repetitive dysfunctional stories of the mind, we suffer. Wise spiritual traditions help to guide us out of this suffering. For example, Christian tradition teaches us to “renew our mind” or “put on the mind of Christ.” Buddhism teaches us to free the mind of illusion.
Now, Life or the Universe or Spirit has a way of creating circumstances to awaken us to our dysfunctional stories and create portals of liberation from our suffering. So too, in my life, a time came when circumstances pressurized to the point of propelling me out of the story I was living. Which necessitated big changes—namely the end of my 25-year marriage and the closing of the nonprofit I cofounded with my ex-husband ten years prior.
The process of freeing myself from my disordered story was no easy endeavor. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. No exaggeration. I had to call on all of my resources to support me along the way, because the addiction to our story is horribly enticing. I could feel my weakness to “give in” to something less than the best of who I was and why I’m here. But I was also finally in touch with my latent courage to live a happier life. And most importantly, I was finally aware that I had the power and agency to change my story.
So, with all of the strength within me I rose up and stepped into the light. It was time. I was ready to take responsibility to consciously create my story and make choices that align with my highest good. I finally said “no” to the harmful story I had been living. And I said “yes” to joy, destiny, peace, unity and all of the wonderful, beautiful, glorious things that were meant for me. I dared to dream of an outer reality that would eventually reflect the inner wisdom I had uncovered.
Then, to my astonishment, a new story quickly began to take shape.
You see, we cannot get away from story. It’s what the human mind does. What we can do is create different stories by which to live. What’s important here is that you have the power to create a story that works better for you.
In our best moments we can drop the stories altogether and be in the present, dwelling in our true nature: harmony and wholeness—which doesn’t need a story. Think about timeless experiences you’ve had in nature, with art, or making love. In those graced moments we are fixed in the present, free from our story.
Stories are creations of the mind. Our true nature is being. So, the portal to this higher awareness is being in the present moment. This is why spiritual practice is so important.
It’s been a wild ride. And there’s much to share with you. But for now I’ll stop here.
As time unfolds, I’d love to tell you more about what has transpired in my life and what I’m learning. I’d also like to give you opportunities to participate in my work. In forthcoming letters, I’ll also likely share with you friends, teachers and other resources that I respect and learn from. Today I’ll offer you the following opportunities.
With all my love,
Phileena
