Who Are You?: A Baby’s Prophetic Presence

The springtime rains of San Francisco welcomed the gift of a very special new life. Syed Zahaan Jeelan was born Monday evening, March 14, 2011. I was in the delivery room just moments after his birth. His father had run to the waiting area, announcing the miracle of his son’s arrival. Together, we rushed to the mama’s bedside just moments after the birth so I could be introduced to the little one we’d eagerly waited for.

Zahaan weighed just six pounds. So small. So perfect. His father, mama, grandmother (“Mamoon”), little sister and I stared at him with wonder and excitement. He immediately arrested our hearts. I can’t remember the last time I smiled that big, for so long. We could have stayed in the moment for hours. Everything else in the world faded away in the aura of this new life.

I spent a week with my dear friends and their newborn son.  It’s been a while since I’ve spent that much time with such a new, small baby. What is it about a baby that melts our hearts?

I found myself wanting to hold him as much as possible, to gaze at him and to smell that delightful newborn baby smell. I was transfixed on him as he slept and when he sleepily opened his eyes. There was nothing Zahaan could do or say to impress me—as adults try and impress one another. On the contrary, he was remarkable in his very essence. His very being mesmerized me.

After observing me with Zahaan and seeing how I loved him, “Mamoon” asked me, “Why don’t you have children Phileena?” How do I explain the paradox of my deep love for children with the decision to not bear my own?

Even now I am overcome with emotion little Zahaan evokes in me. But this isn’t the sentiment of a barren woman longing for her own child. These are sensations born of engaging universal truth… engaging Zahaan yes, but Zahaan at once invites me into himself and points me beyond.  In this way, he is a prophet. How do I capture his message?

Pure Essence. Innocence. Dependence. Fragility. Trust. Delicate Sweetness.

These are qualities of what it means to be human. And how easily we forget. How soon we grow detached from our essence.

Zahaan reminds me who I am and who you are.